STEP 1:

Jump out of bed on February 14 and fix her a perfect cup of coffee or tea (for once) with your new, Keurig single-cup brewer.

Benefits: You get to drink the new Green Mountain Double Diamond Extra Bold (rated 11 on a scale of 1 to 10) and you can still brew her a perfect cup of waist-slimming, fresh green tea in less than a minute. Dangers: Once you present the new brewer to her it's legally hers unless you specified otherwise in your prenuptials. Oh, and don't mention the waist-slimming part unless you're sure that you do, in fact, have prenuptials.

STEP 2:

Quietly, while she's showering, take delivery of your brand new, rust-proof, super insulated, guaranteed-for-life Marathon water heater.

Benefits: Your lovely can enjoy leisurely, always hot showers (and do laundry and run the dishwasher at the same time). Dangers: Don't mention those last two bits unless you know how to operate these pieces of equipment.

STEP 3:

Let the plumber in through the back door (before she comes downstairs) to install the new water heater, fix the leak in the kitchen taps and the whining in the pump room.

Benefits: Getting three things off your "honey do" list in one day will give you a fighting chance of getting at least one semi-uninterrupted Sunday afternoon in front of the tube.

Dangers: She probably has an even longer list of repairs for you when those jobs are done. And make sure she's not still in the shower when the plumber turns the hot water off.

STEP 4:

We're still "only concerned for her health and well-being" here guys... Review Step 1 and brew her another of her favourite teas as she saunters into the kitchen and, with as much mushiness as you can muster, point out to her how thoughtful it was of you to have a brand new, ClearWater under-counter water treatment system installed so that she has safe, clean and clear drinking water right at her fingertips from this glorious day forward.

Benefits: She no longer has to drive to the store every time you're out of bottled water. She no longer has to wrestle those heavy, awkward bottles into the house and you've saved her from having to heave them into their proper place atop the cooler. You're a hero in her eyes! Oh, and the odd, wee drop of carbon-filtered, sparkling clean, clear water makes a delightful splash in your occasional, wee drop o' whiskey (but, once again, you need not mention that last bit!)

Dangers: Don't overemphasize the money-savings angle of this step. Keep her attention on the backbreaking and time-consuming work you have saved her from. If you run out of ideas, gently polish the nice new chrome ClearWater tap for a few seconds and smile heroically.